A Site for Keeping Up with the Hartigans
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Monday, August 29, 2005 IN MY MAN PANTIES I CAN DO ANYTHING! Highlights of the Renaissance Festival:Zoe rang the bell  Devin got on stage  Aron and Devin Jousting  And... I don't think this image stands up to last years, but the performers still managed to get someone to adorn themselves with underwear and run around the festival. This gentlemen ended up running around screaming "IN MY MAN PANTIES I CAN DO ANYTHING"  Apparantly this included scratching himself in public. His reward: a rose for his girlfriend. Good times. posted by me | 11:33 AM | 5 comments Wednesday, August 24, 2005 THE POWERS THEY POSSESS It’s that time of year again. The Renaissance Festival time that is. We’re heading out again this Sunday. The kids are stoked {{{do people still say that? Stoked?}}}I am amazed at the powers the festival performers have. This was our finale’ last time we went. I was just in awe of this. The funniest thing to me was the fact that the program described him as a magician, but he only performed ONE magic trick (escaping from a straight jacket). I don’t think anyone realized his biggest deception was to convince 2 grown men to dawn women’s underwear and pose in them.  I’m thinking it’s going to be a big challenge to get a picture of something to top this. posted by me | 8:39 AM | 5 comments Sunday, August 21, 2005 MELON MASSACRE I tried to “ball a melon” this weekend. How hard is that? Well apparently it takes skills that I do not have. My melon looks like I deserve 15 years in the local pen with time off for good behavior and never ever attempting to ball a melon again. In other words I massacred it. So, could someone please tell me how it is you go about “balling a melon” successfully? And do it without giggling the whole time? “Ball a melon” who every thought of that in the first place? In any case, I will share some of my trade secrets with you in exchange. For example: Ever wish you could spread sour cream on your taco? Simple: Spoon sour cream into a plastic sandwich bag Gently pierce with fork  Viola’! Sour cream dispenser. Does your head of iceberg lettuce turn brown in 2 days? Want to keep it fresher longer? Simple: Wrap the head of lettuce in paper napkins or paper towels and put it in a zip lock bag. It should last much longer. Does your baby have hideous diaper rash, especially on antibiotics? Here’s the best solution ever! Lotrimin. Yeah I know it’s for foot fungus, but what is diaper rash anyway? A fungus! Oh and for the teething baby, try letting them snack on frozen French fries or frozen waffles. Trust me, they don't care about holding the cold thing in their hand. So now you owe me. posted by me | 6:21 PM | 6 comments Sunday, August 14, 2005 SUMMER OUT! Well Summer's end is 3 weeks away if you measure it by the start of the school year. Technically summer ends September 21. Theoretically it ends the first day of school.So... could someone please tell me what happened to June, July and August? I'm trying really hard not to blink anymore. Every time I do another month has come and gone and I seriously feel as if I'm trapped in some wierd twilight zone episode. Progress report on outside projects: A RETAINING WALL  John has thrown out his back. Lets look at this from a neandertal point of view shall we? John works minimum 13 hour days. John is spent. John is exhausted. John thinks it's more like playtime when it comes to landscaping. John is fool. John should take a day off - rest tired body. John decides to work on landscaping instead. John is not liking pain in back. John decides to take the weekend off. John is smart at this moment. John will shortly loose this moment of "smartness", for now John is sleeping upright on the couch because that is how tired John is. Colleen will not wake John, John does not like it. John will not be happy. So Colleen feels sad to see John sleeping upright. But cannot do anything. This is how the John likes to sleep I think. John will not feel to great in the morning after sleeping upright. But John did not want to be disturbed. THE WATERFALL BEGINS  And there's a long way to go PLAY TIME  That's it. The sumac has begun to chrimson. The "first sign of fall" trees have begun to yellow. Soon all the trees will be barron and the snow, sleet and cold will come. I cannot stop the turning of the season. So with that I say... Summer... and Beaner.. Out! posted by me | 8:20 PM | 6 comments I AM THE QUEEN OF GULLIBLE ISLAND I am so gullible and stupid sometimes. Just ask Dan. His friends put crazy posts on his blog pretending to be someone else and I believe it.I believed the makers of the “Ab Roller”. Tighter abs in just 2 weeks. However, my back was not too pleased that my stomach muscles did not understand how to properly constrict (thus tightening the abs) in order to puuuuulll the roller back at me. It currently resides as a footstool in my basement. Along with the condo for spider webs “Sit up rocker” and the worlds biggest clothes hanger “Nordic Track”. I was also completely dumbstruck to read an article in the newspaper about actual “Wedding Crashers”. They were tales from wedding planners about people who literally invited themselves to random strangers weddings, more for the free booze and appetizers. I think back now on my childhood and groan at how extremely stupid and gullible I was and wonder if I’ll ever grow out of it. Where was I going with this? Oh yeah…….. I took the kids to the Dakota County Fair on Friday. As they were waiting in line to get on the ferris wheel, this girl came up and started talking loudly to her friends in line. She said things like “I can’t believe how all of the carnies are hitting on me! And there are a bunch of guys in the beer tent hitting on me too!”  I am soooo disappointed in my camera phone. I tried to take a picture of her. You can’t really tell what she’s wearing, so I will describe it to you. First of all she cannot be over age 15, I know this for fact, won’t bore you with details. She has multiple piercings in her nose, lip, brow and I’m pretty sure, many other unmentionable places. Which only leads me to believe her parents* were with her during the piercing, because you must be 18 or have parental permission for professionals to do the piercing. Or her and her friends are really brave and did it themselves. Her shirt leaves nothing to the imagination about the aesthetics of her breasts. Her mid drift of baby fat is hanging out (I have an ab roller I’m not currently using if you’re interested dear). Her skirt does not cover her ass and she’s wearing green fish net stockings and stilettos. I’m still tossing around the idea that maybe she seriously couldn’t figure out why the carnies from California or the drunks in the beer tent** were hitting on her. I think I found someone to hand my crown to. * Either way, Note to parents... WRONG ON SO MANY LEVELS!!! **How was this girl in the beer tent? They card you to enter and you cannot leave the area with a drink in your hand... unless.....wait a minute... you can enter with your parents...Oh this is so so so wrong Wrong WRONG! posted by me | 6:18 PM | 3 comments Monday, August 01, 2005 YEAH SO I'M A LEMMING. SUE ME.  |
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